Conflict got you tied up in a knot? Take a look at how each Enneagram type tends to respond to conflict and see if these awarenesses might be helpful to your growth. Stay tuned for a future blog on specific strategies each type can use for dealing with conflict.
Type One
It isn’t right to have conflict. Resolving conflict is pretty “black or white” – one party is either “right” or “wrong” and others should be able to admit when they are wrong. I don’t like others who point out that I’m wrong, though. I tend to get defensive and just can’t understand why others can’t see my point of view. I would never get angry in front of people. My anger may look more like irritation, impatience, or judgment. People who aren’t concerned with things being perfect really annoy me.
Type Two
I’m not really comfortable with conflict, but if it arises, I’ll try to resolve a disagreement by persuading, even manipulating, others to see my point of view. I can get pretty angry if someone doesn’t agree with me or give me what I think they should give me. If there is conflict with one of my close associates (or boss), I will go to bat for them – but then I expect them to go to bat for me if ever I’m in that situation. Conflict in relationships is what really upsets me, especially when I’ve done a lot for someone and they don’t appreciate it.
Type Three
Conflict is a means to an end. When I’m really clear about what I want, I can deal with conflict knowing that it’s leading me towards the goal I want. What I don’t like is the possibility that I might fail at something. That creates a lot of internal conflict, and then I might outwardly seem scattered, tense, and uptight. I might even try to hide the “failure” or “mistake” so that other people won’t find it out and then think I’m not as confident or successful as I appear. People who get in the way of my accomplishing things or people who are overly concerned with details irritate me.
Type Four
Conflict produces a strong emotional response in me. I tend to take things personally. Relationships are very important to me, and if conflict arises, I can be overwhelmed by the emotions that arise and may not choose to deal with the conflict – I might just be very moody or down. When others don’t understand my point of view or don’t take the time to understand where I am coming from, my feelings get hurt. I have a hard time telling someone that they have hurt my feelings and may either avoid the issue, hold a grudge (and you won’t know it), or withdraw. People who are too task-oriented or superficial annoy me.
Type Five
There are logical solutions to conflict. There is little room for emotions in dealing with conflict. As a matter of fact, emotional people really drain me, and I have to get away from them quickly. I like to figure out and come up with solutions but prefer to do it behind closed doors, not in a room with others. I separate feelings from facts, and that’s how conflict should be dealt with.
Type Six
Conflict arises when people don’t do what they say they will do, are not trustworthy, or when their intentions are in question. I like to be able to like and trust people I work with, and being loyal to a cause, the team or a relationship is critical. When conflict with people in authority arises, I may either avoid dealing with the conflict (yet internally feel that this person has really let me down and I will now become suspicious of their actions) or I can go against the authority and confront them either directly or covertly. I am very good at troubleshooting, looking ahead and seeing the “worst-case” scenarios. Others sometimes interpret this as being negative or argumentative – I just want to make sure everyone understands the possible dangers or consequences before moving ahead.
Type Seven
I usually avoid conflict when it gets personal, painful, or negative. I like everything – relationships and life – to be a positive experience. When conflict does arise, I usually turn it into a positive, shift focus to someone else, redirect, or even change the rules to avoid the issues, or convince people “it’s really not as bad as they are making it.” I get upset and angry when people try to make me commit to something, drag me down, or make me look at negative things. I’ll usually tell people what they want to hear – make a commitment – just to keep everyone and everything positive. People get upset with me for not making or meeting commitments, yet I usually have a good reason for not being able to do this.
Type Eight
I love conflict – it’s in conflict that I know exactly where another person stands. I hate weak and indecisive people – they drive me crazy. I get really energized by conflict and will stay in conflict until others see my point of view. I want people to do things my way and am very forceful and assertive in getting people to see things my way. People always tell me that I come across as angry and controlling. They also say, but not always to me, that I intimidate them. All I know is that that’s the way you have to be to succeed and make things happen.
Type Nine
Conflict is very difficult. I have a physical reaction to the possibility of or real conflict. All I want is for people to get along and not fight. There has to be a solution to conflict, and I’m really good at mediating conflict between others because I can easily understand other people’s points of view. When I am in conflict, I may just go along with others or say I agree when really, internally, I’m either not sure or I don’t agree. People get frustrated with my indecisiveness. I usually know what I don’t want before I know what I do want. Once I know my position, I can appear really stubborn and stuck in my position or act passive aggressively. (I may say yes but I then forget, procrastinate, or just don’t do what someone else wants me to do.)
As always, we’d love to know your thoughts.
