Last week we talked about the difference between performance and heart-to-heart conversations. Performance conversations are those you have with an employee when you need to assign a task, follow-up on a project, discuss a missed deadline or address a performance issue. Heart-to-heart conversations are those you have with an employee to connect, communicate your concern for them, provide support, encouragement and guidance, or appreciate and recognize the individual.
I’ve found that the most impactful heart-to-heart conversation you can have with an employee is the “How are we doing?” conversation. It’s when you step away from the day-to-day, task and performance interactions and check in on your relationship. This type of conversation is often put off for the annual review or scheduled and then missed because of the urgent demands, to-dos, and meetings that need to happen on a daily basis. Yet if these conversations don’t happen, employees interpret the lack of meaningful connection as the manager not interested in them; a “means to an end”, meaning only values for what they produced; or worst yet, not committed to their success. And by the way, the daily “Hello” and “How was your weekend?” interactions don’t count!
So here are some guidelines for holding these conversations:
- If possible, hold these conversations away from the office or places where you discuss tasks and performance. This is important because at a stimulus-response level, the different setting will evoke a different response and the outcome(s) will be viewed as more impactful than the regular day-to-day interactions.
- Schedule 30-minutes for the conversation. If both parties are prepared, it could take 15. Give the employee the questions below ahead of time to consider before the meeting.
- Honor the time commitment made. Try to avoid rescheduling or delaying or cancelling due to your If done once, that’s okay, but if done repeatedly, the employee gets the message loud and clear!
- The most successful conversations involve these questions:
- What is supporting your success right now? Are there areas where you’d like to see improvement?
- [If you want to see improvement in a specific areas, here’s the opportunity to do that.] What I’d like to add to that is …..
- As we work together, what am I doing that is supporting you?
- Is there anything I could be doing or you need from me that would position you for greater success?
Keep in mind, the following:
- The first time you do this, tell the employee what you are doing and what you hope these conversations will accomplish.
- The more you hold the conversations, the more trust and credibility you’ll create, thus, the more honest the person will be.
- Be prepared for this conversation. Check in with your head, heart and gut to know where you stand with the relationship and be ready to share that. The heart-to-heart conversation communications to the employee “I care,” “I’m invested in your success,” and “I’m here to guide, support and coach you and I need you to do your part.”
When was the last time you had a “How are we doing?” conversation with one of your employees? If it’s been too long, pull out your schedule and get it on your calendar. The cost of not doing it is far greater than the cost to make it happen!
