Lou is 34 years old and through hard work and a little luck is holding an executive position with his company. He oversees a national division with over 100 employees. His company is in the process of being sold, and the transitional leadership has turned his world upside down. He’s found himself, for the first time in his career, demotivated, questioning his leadership abilities, and wondering, “Is this really what I want?”
Our work together has been to help him navigate this transition but, more importantly, to help him answer this potentially life-altering question.
This question is not that unusual for someone in their 30’s, and Lou was relieved to hear that. There is often an event or series of events that triggers this question for those in their 30’s –the demands and pressure at work become too impactful; a company downsizes and they are a casualty; they get married or have a child; or sometimes friends start moving on, getting married, having children or changing careers. Whatever the triggering event or events, when this question arises, the individual’s internal world feels very shaky and no longer predictable. Gail Sheehy in her book, New Passages, calls this the “Second Adolescence” because, similar to the first, this is a time of seeking to define one’s self. However, this “adolescence” is different because now the path that was chosen is in question and that shakes the very ground on which the individual’s life was built. Struggling to return to solid ground, he may “appear” different at work, and, for a manager, this may trigger a shift in how s/he views, works with, and manages this individual.
So, as a manager, what can you do?
When you notice a shift in an employee’s attitude, behavior, work product, results or energy, be curious. When a high-performing employee suddenly changes in how s/he shows up for work, observe the shifts that are taking place to see if you can notice any patterns emerging. Examples of performance-based patterns you might see are the employee typically comes into work at the crack of dawn, and now he rolls in close to 9am; she’s usually positive and cooperative, yet you are now experiencing her as distant and argumentative; or he was always on top of deadlines, but some are starting to slip. Often, however, the employee’s performance may not be compromised even though his inner state (frustration, confusion, searching, doubting) is being revealed in the things he says to co-workers and managers like: “I’m not getting paid enough.” “Things never change around here.” “I can’t keep covering for them.” or “I’ve got to find more balance in my life.” These are clues the employee is sending, and as a manager you have a choice as to how you respond.
You can miss the patterns and clues and just address the performance-based issues when they arise, or you can step back and see the patterns and clues as symptomatic of something going on in the employee’s life and engage with the employee before the performance-based issues become issues. Obviously I am advocating the later.
I call these interactions, heart-to-heart conversations, because they are not task or performance specific. Rather, they are conversations where you check in with “how” the employee is doing, offer some feedback about what you’ve observed, listen to what is going on for the employee, and, if it makes sense to do so, help the employee discover what “next steps” s/he will take.
When an employee is disillusioned, feeling on shaky ground or out of balance, the worst thing you can do is start micro-managing, pointing out missed performance items or coming down hard on the employee. Instead, the best approach is to be curious, observe and look for patterns, listen for the clues being sent by the employee, and then sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation that helps the employee name what is going on, talk to someone about it (in a non-threatening way), and identify some strategies for seeing her way through this necessary stage in her life.
If you have a young work force, take some time to be curious, observe patterns and listen to what they are saying. They are telling you something…the question is, “Are you listening?”
Stay tuned for more on heart-to-heart conversations next week.
