“Don’t buy this!”
“You can’t do this!”
“That won’t work!”
Has anyone ever said any of these things to you? What type of reactions do these statements create in you? If you are like me, I bristle when I hear these. I typically say, “Oh yeah, just watch me!”
My reaction made me think a little more about these three very powerful words — “don’t,” “can’t,” and “won’t.”
When you see a TV ad that says “don’t buy this … buy that,” where does your attention go? To what to buy or what not to buy? When your manager or spouse says, “You can’t do that,” where does your attention go? To what you can do or to what you can’t do? When trying to resolve a difficult issue and you hear a little voice inside of you say, “That won’t work,” what do you do? Work to prove that it will or give up trying to solve it?
I’m thinking that being told “don’t,” “can’t,” or “won’t” actually is okay because it gets our energy and attention on the opposite — “do,” “can,” and “will.” Used at the right time, in the right situation, with the right people, this approach can be effective. What if, when working with a prospective buyer who seems to be losing interest, you say, “Maybe it’s not the right time for you to buy this product/service?” The buyer might work hard to convince you he really wants or needs it. What if, when working with an employee who may not be delivering on a commitment promised, you say, “This may be too much for you, should I give this part to another team member?” The employee might fight to keep it and prove to you that it isn’t too much to handle. What if, when struggling to figure out how to solve a difficult situation, you ask yourself, “Maybe I don’t need to fix this right now?” You may find your compelling reason to take action sooner rather than later. In all of these scenarios, of course, the opposite response is possible, but that hasn’t been my experience. I’ve experienced these scenarios over and over again just as I described, and I’ve coached people to do the same and they have gotten the same results — it works!
Okay then … “don’t” try them because you “can’t” use them and they “won’t work!”
