All too often we define ourselves by what we do. In business it’s difficult not to do this because so much is measured by the results we produce or the accomplishments we have. When we measure our success this way, we can’t help but be impacted throughout the day by those individuals and situations that get in the way of success.
A recent coaching call with a business owner started with a question that resulted from an interaction with his wife. He came home one evening and he was “down.” It had been a rough day at work filled with interactions where employees didn’t meet his expectations. He felt disappointed and defeated and was wondering what he was doing wrong or more importantly, what he could do differently to get the results he wanted/needed. His wife commented how impacted he was by what goes on at work and it made him wonder if, because he was the owner, if this was just going to be the reality he would have to learn to cope with, or if maybe he was looking at it the wrong way, or if there was something he could do to shift this for himself. This is a perfect example of how the “I am what I do” mentality grabs hold of us and often gets in the way of our success.
The “I am what I do” mentality blurs the lines between the individual and the work that an individual does. If what I do is a reflection of my worth, value or emotional well-being, then everything that happens to me in a day will impact me and my self-confidence, emotional constancy and energy will fluctuate based on each interaction, event and even thought I have.
Who you are and how you manage yourself throughout the day is separate from what happens to you during the day. While situations and interactions that happen during the day are impactful, they do not need to alter your inner state, rather, if you are able to see the situation and interactions objectively (outside of yourself) and deal with them from this stance, you’ll begin to make this shift. It is important to check in with yourself (use the 3-Centered practice we’ve shared with you to do this) to determine what’s going on for you and what specific actions you need to take but if you find yourself, after you’ve dealt with the situation, thinking about it in your head, being reactive and/or you energy or mood is altered, then the “I am what I do” mentality is running you. It’s up to you to decide how long you let “it” run you!
