I don’t mean the alarm, or the coffee, or the list waiting for you. I mean the deeper reason. The reason underneath all the reasons.
Most of us could tell you what we do in a day. Far fewer of us could tell you why. We work late, we say yes, we push for the next goal, we show up for everyone else. From the outside, it looks like commitment, ambition, or kindness. But behavior does not reveal motivation. Two people can do the very same thing for completely different reasons. And sometimes the person who knows the least about why we do what we do is us.
The first answer is only the beginning.
When I ask people what motivates them, I usually hear one of three answers: money, achievement or making a difference. They’re honest answers. But they are only the start of a discovery.
So I ask the next question: “what does that give you?”
- For one person, money is a sign of love for their family. It is the ability to give their children the life they never had.
- For another, achievement is about a specific contribution they are determined to make.
- For someone else, making a difference flows from a deeply held belief about what is right and what the world needs.
The same words on the surface. Completely different longings underneath.
Try asking yourself that question and then ask it again. Keep going until you reach the answer that makes something in you go quiet and still. That is usually where the truth is.
What’s really driving us?
Many things shape what we do: our values, our beliefs, our fears, our habits. Underneath them is a core motivation, the place our attention keeps returning to, often without our noticing. And not everyone knows what theirs is.
The Enneagram helps. Where most personality tools describe what we do, the Enneagram points to why. But knowing your type only gives you insight into the driver. It doesn’t unravel the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that either support you or get in the way of living what matters most to you.
That deeper work often begins with noticing a gap. We say family comes first, yet we work every weekend. We say we value rest, yet we never stop. Noticing that gap is a gift. It invites us to get curious: Where am I living, what I value? Where have I drifted? What would bring me back into alignment?
This is slower, more embodied work. It happens in the pause before we react, in the breath, in the moment we catch ourselves on automatic and choose to come back to ourselves. I think of it as the movement from self-forgetting to self-remembering.
You are the expert on you. So be curious with yourself. Take these slowly, maybe with a journal, and when an answer comes, ask the next question, and then the next. (It works much like the 5 Whys, turned inward.)
- What gets me out of bed in the morning? And what does that give me?
- What values do I live by? Where do I see them in my days, and where don’t I?
- What part of my life or work excites me most? Why?
- What drains me?
- How does the work I do contribute to the way I want to live my life?
Notice not only what you think, but what you feel, and where you feel it in your body. Sometimes the body answers before the mind is ready to.
Now turn the question toward your people.
If you lead others, everything you just asked yourself is true for each person on your team. They can’t always see their own why either. And you certainly can’t see it by watching them work late or chase the next goal. Each one needs something different from you.
So offer them the same curiosity. Ask what gets them out of bed in the morning, then ask what that gives them. Listen for the answer beneath the answer.
External motivators like bonuses or praise get compliance. Knowing what truly drives someone builds commitment. People feel known, not just managed. And when they know you’re invested in their success, they become invested in yours.
Try this: list the people on your team. Next to each name, write what gets that person out of bed in the morning. Wherever you’re guessing, that’s your next conversation.
Behavior tells us what happened. Motivation tells us why. When we know why, we stop living automaticly and start choosing, again and again, the life we actually want. When we know our people’s why, we build cultures where they choose to give their best.
What did you discover when you asked yourself, and your people, the next question? We’d love to hear what’s showing up in your world. And if you’d like help uncovering what truly drives your team’s commitment and engagement, let’s talk.
Theresa Gale
Principal
Transform, Inc.